


Half

by CATSINTHEWASTELAND



Category: Call of Duty (Video Games)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2019-03-25 19:29:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13841463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CATSINTHEWASTELAND/pseuds/CATSINTHEWASTELAND
Summary: Following the battle for control of the LOKI Space Station, the U.S. and the Federation are both regrouping. For Hesh Walker this is the beginning of his fight for his brother Logan.





	Half

**Author's Note:**

> Written for fuckyeahcodoc's COD-A-THON 2K18.

Hesh is still alive but it feels like he is dying.

He's crawled past the rocks where Logan ( _Logan_ ) had been, following the trail of Rorke’s boot imprints and sand displaced by Logan’s body where he had been dragged. Hesh can see marks in the sand next to it, five deep cut lines where Logan had dug his fingers in, fighting in vain to stop Rorke and get back to Hesh. It was no use.

Hesh puts his own hand over those five gouges, fingers fitting in place perfectly, just as Logan’s footprints had matched his own so many years ago, on a different beach, in a different time. Logan had always followed Hesh, but now Hesh needs to follow Logan and no matter how much he wants to he physically cannot. The adrenaline that had fueled him through the chase for Rorke has left him and his body _hurts_.

Hesh knows he has multiple gunshot wounds and there's something wrong with his jaw where Rorke booted him. His body is on fire from his injuries but it's nothing compared to the feeling in his heart. His throat is sore from shouting, calling Logan’s name even after he had disappeared from view. His eyes are sore because he cannot stop crying. He's sure that whatever might have been left of his "mask" is going to have telltale signs of tears running through it. Some Ghost he is now. The Ghosts of legend were fierce and fearless, Hesh is just a broken man abandoned on a beach.

Hesh feels like he is betraying Logan, betraying their dad, by succumbing to the pain and not pushing through it and hunting down Rorke. His heart aches knowing Logan is out there and Hesh is not by his side to help.

Rorke and Logan are long gone anyway. All that's left is Hesh, and blood spattered across the sand and rocks. Hesh hopes that some of the blood is Rorke’s, the last thing he wants is for that bastard to get away unscathed after his miraculous recovery. Hesh thought he hated Rorke already, but now that feeling has increased tenfold. Rorke’s taken _everything_ from Hesh.

There’s rotor blades overhead and Hesh carefully turns his head to look, hoping that it’s the recon team Merrick had promised and not some Federation team back to finish the job. Luck is with him though, he recognises the chopper as one of their own and it begins to descend on the beach in front of him. He stretches out his hand in greeting, unable to do much more without causing himself more pain.

Two soldiers jump out as the chopper lands, quickly scanning the area, and then take position to guard both the chopper and Hesh as a third follows them out and runs over.

“Captain Merrick sent us to get you,” says the soldier, crouching down to Hesh's level. “Can you stand?”

“Rorke took Logan!” Hesh tries to shout back in response, though it comes out cracked and weak. “Rorke took Logan, we need to get him back!”

He can see the soldier's baffled look even though much of his face is obscured by his helmet. Hesh knows he is not answering the question, but his own health is not at the top of his list of worries despite how much pain he is in.

To his credit, the man in front of him does not question him. “Alright, but let's get you back to base.”

This is the last thing Hesh wants.

-

Hesh drifts in and out of consciousness, slowly becoming aware of two voices nearby. He instantly recognises Merrick’s voice, the other he does not know. Both seem to be trying to quieten their voices and sporadically failing. They seem to be arguing and Hesh feels bad for whoever has fallen on Merrick’s wrong side.

He opens his eyes. The light is too much this soon and he quickly shuts them again. He's in the infirmary of Fort Santa Monica, he can tell that much, it's far too bright and he can see the beds and curtain dividers. He squints his eyes open again and sure enough, there's Merrick and a doctor just past the foot of his bed. The doctor is smaller than Merrick in about every way possible but their stance suggests they are trying to block his way.

Hesh tries to sit up, feels a bolt of pain go through his chest, and slowly sinks back down again, cringing.

“Hesh.”

He focuses back on Merrick and the doctor who are both now looking at him. Merrick is frowning slightly, though Hesh thinks this may be his default expression rather than any indication of an emotion, and the doctor, a woman he doesn't recognise, is looking critically at him, her mouth pursed.

“Rorke took Logan.” Hesh says. He can't think of anything else. He’s unable do anything about it whilst bedridden, but Merrick can. They can get Logan back.

Merrick’s tone and expression soften slightly. “So you've said.”

The doctor sighs and moves around Merrick, towards the exit of the curtains. “You have five minutes.”

“Thank you, Oona.”

The doctor scowls and before she leaves she throws back a “that’s Doctor Russ to you.”

Hesh waits until she's gone before speaking again, trying for commanding but instead getting feeble. “We need to get Logan back.”

Merrick pulls up a chair and sits, leant forward with his elbows resting on his knees. He fixes Hesh with a look. “I've got a search team in the area looking for any sign of Logan or Rorke. Once Keegan’s back I'll send him. What happened out there Hesh? I thought Rorke was dead.”

“He was dead, or at least we thought he was. Logan shot him and he didn't follow us onto the beach.” Hesh pictures what happened, Rorke sneaking up and his brutal attack on Logan to incapacitate him before he fought back. He feels anger creep up but following it a wave of sadness. Grief. He desperately wants to cover his face to hide his emotions, and settles for turning his face away slightly. “He must have got out another way. He snuck up on us, took us out before we even knew he was there.”

Hesh remembers the look on Logan’s face as Rorke dragged him away. Wide-eyed, mouthing his brother’s name, and reaching out with his one unbroken arm. And there was Hesh, unable to do anything except watch. Hesh squeezes his eyes shut against tears. “I was fucking useless.”

Merrick is silent for a short while. “I won't lie to you, Hesh. This isn't good. The Federation has retreated for now, but with Rorke still out there… he's going to show his ugly face again at some point.”

Hesh grimaces. “He had some sort of fucking fascination with Logan. Do you remember Las Vegas? They were going to kill us, but they wanted Logan alive. I remember Rorke during the interrogation, it was like he was fucking _impressed_ with Logan.” Hesh feels another stab of fury go through him. He clenches his fists under the covers but it feels weak.

“Hesh.” Merrick’s expression is grim. “We're on it. You can't do anything right now. Oon- _Doctor Russ_ , says you're lucky you're not in a worse state, you're not going anywhere for a while. Just leave it to us for now. I know it's shit.”

“Fine,” Hesh agrees reluctantly. “But as soon as I'm ready, I'm getting back out there. I'm gonna find Logan.”

-

Being out of the fight is not something Hesh is used to. The days pass slowly, even with fellow unlucky men and women in the infirmary to speak to. He tires easily and even though he is aware he is not in the physical condition to be doing anything of use he still feels like he needs to be doing something. It makes him restless.

Merrick drops by every so often with reports and updates, keeping Hesh in the loop. Hesh appreciates it. He feels cut off from the action, the past month had been fast-paced and having to suddenly grind to a halt is disorientating. Hesh can tell Merrick is not appreciating the change either. Going from being in the field constantly to overseeing missions from a base, it's not something Hesh envies either.

There's a distinct lack of familiar faces - Logan, Keegan, Riley - but Hesh knows he can find at least one of those on base _somewhere_.

He intercepts Doctor Russ during one of her rounds. At least, he intercepts as well as he can with him stuck in one place and Doctor Russ free to walk off.

“Hey, Doctor Russ, am I allowed visitors?”

Doctor Russ fixes her eyes on him in a manner Hesh finds unnerving. During his stay he's been trying to decide if her surname does mean she is related to Keegan (outright asking is out of the question), and concludes she must be, if only because the two of them both manage to turn a simple look into something scarier.

“Visitors of what manner?” She asks him, pen paused above the clipboard she has been consulting.

“Riley, my dog-”

“Absolutely not.” She resumes writing on her clipboard before continuing, almost lecturing him. “This is an infirmary, Hesh, if you had not noticed. It has to be clean. I'm not having a dog running through bringing germs in.”

“He’s very well behaved.” Hesh tries, though he knows he has no chance of changing the doctor’s mind.

“No.”

Hesh huffs out a breath and does not argue further.

A little while later, Merrick appears carrying something under his arm. He glances around as he walks closer to Hesh’s bed and it's probably the most suspicious Hesh has ever seen Merrick.

“Is Oona around?” Merrick asks once he reaches Hesh.

“That's _Doctor Russ_ to you. And no, she's not around. She's probably somewhere though.”

“As long as she's out of sight.”

Hesh is curious now and, as he watches Merrick unfold a wheelchair, he starts feeling hopeful.

“Are you breaking me out?” Hesh lowers his voice conspiritally.

“What does it look like, Hesh? Can you stand?”

Between the two of them they manage to manoeuvre Hesh into the wheelchair and Merrick pushes Hesh out of the infirmary. Hesh grins as he feels the fresh air.

“Where are we going?” Hesh asks over the noise around them.

“You'll see,” Merrick replies.

They stop in a clear area just outside the command centre, and Merrick leaves Hesh briefly to open the command centre door and shouts in.

“Riley!”

Riley trots out of the door and Hesh cannot recall the last time he smiled so wide. As soon as Riley spots him he bounds over and launches himself up at Hesh, barking and wagging his tail. Hesh laughs and ruffles Riley’s fur, then quickly tries to push Riley’s face away when he begins to lick Hesh’s face.

“I know, I know, I missed you too, buddy!” Hesh laughs some more as he watches Riley run circles around his wheelchair.

“It was getting sad watching him look for you.” Merrick calls over to him. The unspoken _and Logan_ weighs heavy on Hesh. “This is the good news.”

“What's the bad news?” Asks Hesh, still trying to catch Riley.

Merrick throws over a tennis ball and Hesh catches it, the movement pulling his slowly healing wounds and he winces. He looks quizzically at the tennis ball before throwing it for Riley, watching as Riley dashes after it and catching it after it bounces off the wall of the command centre. Riley returns it to Hesh. He throws it again.

Merrick walks up beside him and resumes the conversation, lowering his voice before continuing.

“We've not found anything on Logan.”

Hesh feels disappointment sink in. Riley looks expectantly at Merrick upon hearing Logan’s name.

“Keegan's scouted the location where Logan was last seen. There's nothing. We don't even know how the hell Rorke managed to escape with him.”

“Do we know about any Federation movements that might be linked? Any known bases? Anything?” Hesh presses Merrick for information, any tiny thing that could somehow be linked to Logan.

“There's nothing, Hesh.”

The words have his mood plummeting. Hesh needs to do something so he throws the ball again for Riley but it's lacking any enthusiasm. He lets the silence stretch out.

“I need you back out there, Hesh. I can't plan bigger operations without a field commander.”

“You still want me leading?” Hesh asks, a little surprised. Hesh had, after all, ignored Merrick’s orders and gone after Rorke.

“Who else better for the job? You're a natural leader, Hesh.” Merrick counters.

“What about Keegan? He's been with the Ghosts longer, he's out on missions on his own right now.” Hesh is genuinely curious why Merrick passed Keegan over in favour of Hesh. Not that Hesh is complaining, but it seems to him that Keegan is equally as qualified.

Merrick raises his eyebrows at him. “Hesh, if I gave Keegan field command permanently he'd find me and murder me in my sleep. You're field commander. Don't question it.”

Hesh doesn't question it. He looks forward to the challenge if anything. He knows from reports that Merrick passed on to him that Federation activity is currently very little, with both sides currently licking their wounds from the recent conflict. US forces are salvaging and rebuilding what they can, and there's no doubt that the Federation is doing the same.

“I think it's time to break me out of the infirmary permanently,” Hesh decides.

“Now you're talking.” Merrick sounds pleased.

Hesh just has to convince Doctor Russ. Easier said than done.

-

“Riley, come on!” Hesh shouts to Riley as he jogs past.

Riley merely turns his head to Hesh and remains where he's sat, which is at the feet of Ohanian and Roper, neither of whom are helping Hesh in the slightest. Riley’s tail wags as they pet him. The grins on their faces and pointed looks in his direction let Hesh know that they know what they are doing.

Hesh slows down to call Riley again but before he can say anything Ohanian is shouting at him.

“No slacking off, Hesh! Get moving!” He laughs and gestures to Riley for him to follow Hesh.

Hesh pulls a face at them and flips them the bird before speeding up again, this time with Riley alongside him. There's more good-natured laughter behind him.

Recovery is slow but sure. Hesh can feel himself improving, but he needs to remember he has limits and to push himself past them is likely to do more harm than good. For Hesh this is a difficult concept to keep in mind. It goes against his natural instincts. He trains, he practices, he runs with Riley. Merrick authorises him to oversee patrols. The patrols are a step in the right direction, all he needs now is to get out there himself. In the meantime he's just happy to be doing _something_.

Hesh slows down once he and Riley reach a smaller building next to the infirmary and the two of them stroll in. Hesh may have escaped the infirmary (he suspects Doctor Russ was glad to see him leave) but he's still making regular trips to the medical wing for check-ups. Early on in his visits, Hesh decides this is acceptable as it means trading Doctor Russ for Arentz, one of the friendlier medical staff.

“Back already? Not bad, Hesh, not bad,” Arentz says as Hesh walks in. He checks a stopwatch and notes down the time. “How are you feeling? Breathing fine? Any pain?”

“All good,” says Hesh, collapsing into a seat and taking deep breaths to recover from his run.

“All good…” Arentz repeats whilst noting everything down. Once he finishes writing, he gets up from his seat behind his desk and takes a seat nearby Hesh instead. “How are you really feeling?”

Hesh looks back at him in confusion. “How am I really feeling?”

Arentz nods slowly. “Hesh, I don't know all the details, and I don't want to know all the details, it's not my place. But what I do know is that you came back here injured and without Logan, and in all the time I have known you I have never seen you without him.”

Hesh contemplates this for a moment. “Off record?”

“Off record, Hesh, of course. Just one friend asking another how he's holding up.”

Arentz’s tone is even but not prying and concern creases his brow. It is true; in all the time Arentz has known him he has never been without Logan, except for now. Arentz is the first to broach the subject, but how many others have been thinking the same thing? Who else is keeping a close eye on Hesh, expecting to see something wrong? Those like Roper and Ohanian, friends of both Walker brothers, who saw Hesh leave Fort Santa Monica with Logan and Elias and return with neither of them.

He can not deny that Elias's murder and Logan's capture have left a gaping hole in his life. Elias he can do nothing about, he has to accept that. But Logan - he can do something about Logan, and that knowledge pushes him onwards. Thinking about Logan, what he must be going through, is unbearable to Hesh but his sadness is tied up with hate. He can not think of Logan without thinking of Rorke.

His blood boils thinking of the man, and his hatred drives him forward. He'd sworn to get revenge after his father died and Hesh failed miserably, instead giving Rorke exactly what he wanted and the chance to take more from Hesh. A little part of Hesh thinks Rorke did it to drag out the pain and from what Hesh knows about him, he doesn't think he's far off the mark.

Hesh is driven by hate and love. Killing Rorke and saving Logan. To be this focused feels so normal for Hesh, ever since Elias died. But maybe Arentz will not see it that way. Maybe this level of dedication will seem concerning.

A thought creeps in, Elias's words about Rorke hunting down Almagro like a bounty. Is that what this is? If Merrick knew the extent of Hesh’s need for revenge, would he find it concerning too?

Hesh dismisses the thought. No. Merrick would understand. The Ghosts would understand.

Hesh chooses to twist the truth a little. “I'm doing fine. Really. I didn't mean to worry you, Arentz.”

Arentz looks a little relieved. “I just don't want you working yourself too hard. We need you, Hesh, and I'm sure you want to get back out there,” He sighs gently. “I just want to make sure you're doing it for the right reasons.”

As far as Hesh is concerned, he's doing everything for the right reasons.

-

Fort Santa Monica is as busy as ever, made even more so by the arrival of a resupply convoy, trucks stopping here and there, some of them already beginning to be unloaded. Hesh is directed over to one containing important medical supplies. The sergeant is just stepping out of the cab as he approaches.

“Yo! You're the medical resupply?”

“That's me,” the sergeant replies.

“Need a hand?”

The sergeant grins, pleased. “I'd appreciate it.”

Hesh follows the sergeant round to the back of the truck where the sergeant unlocks the doors and steps in. After a moment of looking around at the boxes as if deciding where to start, he begins to pass boxes down to Hesh. As Hesh reaches up to take hold of the first stack he realises the sergeant is looking at him a little intently.

“What’s up? Is something wrong?”

The sergeant’s eyes widen and he gets a shocked look on his face like Hesh has caught him doing something.

He laughs a little, “Sorry, it's just, I think I know you? Were you at Atacama a while back and get a recon team to pick you up?”

That is… surprisingly accurate and Hesh wonders how this man he does not recognise knows. “Uh... yeah. that was me.”

The sergeant beams, the awkwardness of a moment ago lost. “I thought you looked familiar! I'm Jenson. I hauled you out of there!”

The sergeant, Jenson, holds his hand out enthusiastically for Hesh to take. Hesh just stares for a moment before taking it.

“Hesh,” He introduces himself as they shake hands. “I must have looked a bit of a mess back then.”

“You're looking pretty good now.” Jenson’s gaze drops down and travels back up the length of Hesh’s body. He meets Hesh’s eyes and Hesh cannot look away, despite feeling a little flustered all of a sudden. Jenson’s smile becomes warmer and Hesh becomes very aware of how handsome he is and how stunning his smile is. Hesh laughs a little breathlessly.

“Well, uh... had some time to recover. Doing- doing a lot better now.” Hesh realises he still has hold of Jenson’s hand and as smoothly as possible releases it and clears his throat. “I don't think I've seen you here before, are you stationed nearby?”

“Yeah. From Palmdale. I hear you guys got Doctor Russ from us.”

“That explains why I didn't recognise her.” There’s more Hesh could say about Doctor Russ but he does not say it.

Jenson laughs sharply and looks extremely amused, apparently understanding everything from Hesh's tone of voice. “You've had a run-in with Doctor Russ? I don't envy you. She's-”

Whatever Jenson is about to say is cut off by an alarm and shouts of activity. Hesh knows exactly what this means but still catches Roper by the arm as he dashes by towards the command centre.

“Is this-?” Hesh asks, a little excited despite what he suspects.

Roper nods. “Federation attacks at the wall. Hesh, you're on standby. Merrick’s orders. Get ready.”

-

Hesh makes his way up the stairs of the command centre, making a beeline for the little room that has become Merrick’s office. Merrick waves him in and closes the door behind him.

“You needed to see me?” Hesh asks.

Merrick looks grim-faced. Hesh is accustomed to Merrick’s almost constant serious expression, but the look on his face now sets Hesh on edge. Something has happened.

“The attack at the wall wasn't an isolated attack. I've got reports of engagements coming in from the whole length of the wall. This was planned.”

“Do we know if this was a distraction? A way to spread our forces thin?”

“Negative. Scouts haven't reported anything, but we've managed to repel the Federation at each location. It's like they were just testing us.” Merrick regards Hesh in a calculating manner. “Hesh, you're back on active duty.”

This is the best news Hesh has received in a long time and he doesn't even try to stop it from showing on his face. Merrick sees his smile but doesn't return it, instead looking even more serious, as if gearing himself up for something.

“That's not the only news I have, Hesh.” Merrick sounds grave.

“So what's the other news?” The cold feeling begins to set in again around Hesh's happiness.

“JSOC’s calling us off the search for Logan. He's no longer a priority.”

Everything stops and the words keep ringing in Hesh's ear. His stomach drops and he feels numb. As he begins to process the words, Hesh can feel himself start to shake.

“No longer a priority?” He says, and he sounds very quiet to himself.

“Hesh-” Merrick begins.

Anger takes over and seizes control of Hesh. He can't think straight. Logan is his driving force behind everything, and now Hesh is expected to just leave him?

“How is he no longer a priority, Merrick? He's been captured! They're probably torturing him right now! And you just want us to _abandon_ him?” Hesh is aware he is shouting. He's raised his voice far above acceptable levels and people outside the office can probably hear but he doesn't care.

“Hesh!” Merrick shouts back, angry.

Hesh realises he doesn't want to hear any excuses either. So he leaves.

He turns on the spot, yanks open the door, and storms out. Everyone in the command centre very quickly finds somewhere else to look. Hesh takes the stairs two at a time, not really knowing where he is going except that he needs to be _away_. His heart is thumping in his chest and he's shaking all over, adrenaline fueling him on. He's furious and doesn't want to bottle it up. He needs to do something.

He won't leave Logan.

“What are you doing, Hesh?” It's a voice Hesh hasn't heard in some time and it stops him in his tracks. Keegan.

He's walked straight past him, so focused on his thoughts that he hadn't even recognised Keegan without his signature mask.

“Hesh. What are you doing?” Keegan repeats when Hesh does not reply.

“I don't know.” Hesh's voice comes out unsteady and he knows if he's aware of it Keegan is too. There's no hiding anything from him.

“We're leaving Logan. We're calling off the search.”

Keegan does not reply and Hesh can't read him. He may be without his mask but he's every bit as unreadable as if he were still wearing it. He stares Hesh down, unblinking.

“Merrick doesn't care. He’s just let it slide.” Thinking back to the look on Merrick’s face and hearing _Logan is not our priority_ feels like a betrayal.

Keegan holds his gaze, pinning him in place. “Hesh, come with me and we'll talk to Merrick.”

“What's the point? He's got his orders.” Hesh counters.

“Hesh.” Keegan says, his voice calm yet commanding.

Hesh may have been able to rebel against Merrick, but he finds he can never do so against Keegan. Something about Keegan is too calming for Hesh to be angry. At the same time Keegan carries an underlying air of threat that Hesh dare not challenge, so he finds himself following along behind Keegan back to Merrick’s office.

Merrick is leant against the desk and watches them as they walk in. Keegan closes the door this time.

“Don't you ever fucking do that again.”

Merrick does not shout but Hesh flinches all the same, all the fight and anger gone out of him as he had walked up the stairs. He’s not sure how he feels anymore.

Nobody speaks until Merrick continues. “I want to get Logan back, but we have found _nothing_. We move on, take other missions.”

Hesh opens his mouth to speak but Merrick holds up a finger to stop him.

“We've found nothing so far, but I sure as hell aren't giving up. We've got resources. We keep our ears to the ground and we find out where Logan is.” Merrick takes a deep breath and let's it out slowly. “Alright?”

“Alright.” Hesh states, that focus coming back knowing his teammates are onboard with him.

They will get Logan back.


End file.
